I thought this was timely! I actually wrote this in the January of 2020 on a quiet Sunday evening, when the silence was almost deafening! This was the very first blog post I ever wrote, but it wasn’t time for me to share it yet. I opened my computer and poured out my heart, knowing that when the time was right, I would share.
Isn’t it funny how God works? I’ve been saving this for months not even knowing when I wrote it, the type of year we were going to have. Not even knowing that some of you moms would be pushed into homeschooling with no experience and no choice. Not even knowing that some of you would be possibly at the end of your rope, just trying to have 2 minutes alone in the bathroom to pee in silence. (What is that like anyways??? Moms don’t really know!)
Moms…You know who you are….this is for you!
Yes you….the one with the baby in her arms and the toddler throwing a tantrum on the floor. Yes you…the one who can’t even remember the last time you took a shower alone or had an uninterrupted trip to the bathroom.
Yes you…the one who says “for my birthday, I just want to go grocery shopping alone and then take a nap.”
The mom loading the car seat into the car with the diaper bag on your arm trying not to let the buggy roll away with your other kiddo.
The mom sitting on the couch after the kids are down for a nap deciding if you want to get up and clean or take a nap too.
You found dried mac and cheese on your shirt from two days ago. You got pooped on, spit up on, kicked, yelled at, kissed, hugged and cuddled all within the same day.
The mom who just might go NUTS if you hear mom again.
I get it. I see you. I actually look at you and smile because I’m in awe!
I watch you doing your best in your exhaustion and I think you are beautiful and amazing!
I see you wondering if you’re doing it right.
I see you questioning everything you’re doing and comparing yourself to others.
I see you trying so hard to be the best mom without losing yourself in the process.
I see you loving those babies with a love that you never thought was possible.
I see you taking that deep breath and counting to ten so you don’t raise your voice in your tiredness.
I see you looking around wondering if anyone is staring at your child who is crying uncontrollably.
I see you and I’m proud of you!
I feel you! I so feel you! I’m with you! At times I envy you!
You help me reminisce. You help me remember, smile and tear up at times.
You remind me of me and I get you!
I know right now it’s hard to believe, but you will miss it!
Soak it up and breathe it in!
Look back in the rear view mirror often, again, again and again one more time!
Stop and play the legos, or dress up, or barbies.
Let them crawl in your bed for cuddles.
Stop when they say they need you and listen when they tell you their silly jokes and crazy stories.
Hold their hand, hug them, hold them, be patient with them, teach them, giggle with them…do ALL THE THINGS!! Please STOP and do all the things! Even if you're so busy and exhausted. DO ALL THE THINGS!!
Why? Because time flies.
There will come a day when you’ll look back in that rear view mirror and they won’t be there because they are driving their own car.
It will be here before you know it.
The new season. The one where you have to let them fly like you taught them.
The season when you have to listen when THEY are ready to talk.
When you have to be quiet even when you want to give your opinion because you want to give them the chance to learn for themselves.
The season when you are so incredibly proud to see them doing all the things you taught them that your heart could burst out of your chest.
When they ask to go to the store with you and you get excited because you get to see their faces in that rear view mirror again.
Nights when the house is so quiet that you might go crazy if you don’t hear the word mom.
I have loved and still love every season.
People ask me, do you want a baby and my answer is for sure no.
But that doesn’t mean that I still don’t envy you.
Although I reminisce for one more giggle, I adore my bestie time with my girl getting our nails done, sharing clothes and midday lunch dates for no reason but to chat.
I adore my cuddles from my boy that is a foot taller than me. Those moments when he comes in the room and asks “Mom are you ok? Do you need anything!” It melts my heart.
Although, at times, I long to hear his tiny little voice ask “where’s my puppy and gu-uh (blanky)”, I love to hear his voice today sing and teach in kids’ ministry as he pursues his dreams.
Although I miss her dancing around in her cute little tutu, I LOVE to see her stand on a stage and lead an entire room in worship as she follows her passion.
I just want you, sweet momma, to know I feel you so deeply! I see you and I get it! I’m proud of you! I'm so incredibly proud of you! If I had one thing to tell you it’s this....
Breathe….breathe it in…every moment…the good the bad and the ugly, because it only gets better!
P.S. I'm not crying, you're crying!